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Teenagers’ relationships: when and how to talk about it – Ciscasquapro

Romantic relationships are a major developmental milestone. They come with all the other changes going on during adolescence – physical, social and emotional. And they’re linked to your child’s growing interest in body image and looks, independence and privacy. The idea that your child might have these kinds of feelings can sometimes be a bit confronting for you. But these feelings are leading your child towards a deeper capacity to care, share and develop intimate relationships.

When teenage relationships start

There isn’t a ‘right age’ to start having relationships – every child is different, and every family will feel differently about this issue. But here are some averages:

  • From 9-11 years, your child might start to show more independence from your family and more interest in friends.
  • From 10-14 years, your child might want to spend more time in mixed gender groups, which might eventually end up in a romantic relationship.
  • From 15-19 years, romantic relationships can become central to social life. Friendships might become deeper and more stable.

Many teenagers spend a lot of time thinking and talking about being in a relationship. In these years, teenage relationships might last only a few weeks or months. It’s also normal for children to have no interest in romantic relationships until their late teens. Some choose to focus on schoolwork, sport or other interests.

Early teenage relationships

Younger teenagers usually hang out together in groups. If the person your child is interested in is older or younger, it could be worth mentioning that people of different ages might want different things from relationships.The most influential role models for teenagers are the grown-ups . Just talking about both men and women respectfully lets your child know you think everyone is equal and valuable.

Talking about teenage relationships with your child

Your family plays a big part in the way your child thinks about teenage relationships.

When you encourage conversations about feelings, friendships and family relationships, it can help your child feel confident to talk about teenage relationships in general. If your child knows what respectful relationships look like in general, she can relate this directly to romantic relationships.

These conversations might mean that your child will feel more comfortable sharing his feelings with you as he starts to get romantically interested in others. And the conversations can also bring up other important topics, like treating other people kindly, breaking up kindly and respecting other people’s boundaries.

Having conversations with your child about sex and relationships from a young age might mean your child feels more comfortable to ask you questions as she moves into adolescence.

In some ways, talking about romantic and/or sexual teenage relationships is like talking about friendships or going to a party. Depending on your values and family rules, you and your child might need to discuss behaviour and ground rules, and consequences for breaking the rules. For example, you might talk about how much time your child spends with his girlfriend or boyfriend versus how much time he spends studying, or whether it’s OK for his girlfriend or boyfriend to stay over.

You might also want to agree on some strategies for what your child should do if she feels unsafe or threatened.

Young people might also talk to their friends, which is healthy and normal. They still need your back-up, though, so keeping the lines of communication open is important.

Sex and teenage relationships

If your child is in a relationship, it can bring up questions about sex and intimacy.

Not all teenage relationships include sex, but most teenagers will experiment with sexual behaviour at some stage. This is why your child need information on sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

This could also be your chance to talk together about dealing with unwanted sexual and peer pressure. If you keep the lines of communication open and let your child know that you’re there to listen, he’ll be more likely to come to you with questions and concerns.

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Parenting tweens and teens

Something it can be a bit difficult to raise teenagers. You can join the group below and support each other in raising up the teenagers as you share the ups and downs with other parents.

https://facebook.com/groups/329149048270052/

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Teenagers and HIV virus – Ciscasquapro

The rise of teenage pregnancy has exposed the adolescent children to not only coronavirus but also HIV. The teenagers’ relationships have lured them to partying without adhering to morals and values of the society. The Unicef kenya had this to say:

COVID-19 puts adolescents at greater risk of acquiring or spreading HIV.

By Maniza Zaman, UNICEF Representative to Kenya, and UNAIDS Country Director Medhin Tsehaiu

Fishing in Homa Bay County

UNICEFKenya/AndrewBrown29 November 2020

This article first appeared in The Nation on November 29, 2020.

For young people in Kenya, the risks of COVID-19 stretch way beyond the effects of the virus itself. We believe that COVID-19 and the containment measures could be contributing to new spikes in adolescent HIV as evidenced by reduced access to essential HIV prevention services and along with other unintended consequences such as unintended pregnancy and sexual and gender-based violence.

With schools fully or partially closed, many children have been away from the protective environment of school for months. Families are facing financial hardship, food insecurity, stress and uncertainty. This creates the conditions for an increase in abuse, sexual violence in homes and communities and in transactional sex, which can lead to an increase in sexually transmitted infections including HIV and unintended pregnancies among adolescents. We can already see early signs of this – national helplines have reported a tenfold increase in reports on violence against girls and women since the start of the COVID-19 outbreak. A third of all crimes reported in the first month after the COVID-19 outbreak in Kenya were related to sexual violence.

UNICEF and UNAIDS are particularly concerned about the most vulnerable children in areas of Kenya that already have the highest rates of HIV. For example, in Homa Bay County, youth aged 15-24 contribute 13 per cent of the total number of HIV infections amongst 15-49-year olds in the County. The picture in other counties in the western and lake basin region is similar.

The consequences of a further rise in HIV could be wide-ranging. As well as causing serious health problems, HIV can lead to devastating emotional issues due to stigma and discrimination. And in a vicious circle, while COVID-19 puts adolescents at greater risk of acquiring or spreading HIV, people living with HIV are also at greater risk of severe COVID-19 infections that can lead to death, especially those who do not take medication regularly.

As the global AIDS epidemic continues, we need to act. Homa Bay County Government has commissioned research, carried out by LVCT Health and the Overseas Development Institute supported by UNICEF, to analyse the root causes of adolescent HIV, as well as teenage pregnancies. The findings of ‘Unintended pregnancies and HIV among adolescents and young people: A situation analysis of Homa Bay’, offer important local, regional and country-wide lessons.

Firstly, gender inequality is a major driver of HIV infections in adolescents. Girls often have little control in relationships or in the use of condoms and other forms of contraception. They may conduct transactional sex to secure food for their families. The report also highlights limited access to adolescent HIV services and inadequate quality comprehensive sexuality education in schools. Lastly, the report finds that vulnerable young people get caught up in risky behaviours and cultural practices such as ‘disco matanga’, that put them at risk of sexual exploitation, abuse and of acquiring HIV.

At this critical time, we must move quickly to address these issues in Homa Bay and nationwide. We need to see improved and budgeted programming, focusing on addressing harmful gender norms, as well as find channels to provide culturally and age-appropriate sexual reproductive health education for those in school and out-of-school. Increased support and training opportunities are also needed to give vulnerable girls alternatives to avoid early pregnancy and early marriage. And sensitization and positive engagement of their peers, the young boys, is also key to address the situation.

Finally, the health system can do more to be responsive to adolescents and young people through the provision of comprehensive services both at facility and community level. In sum, a multifaceted approach that stays true to the right to information and voice, tailored quality services and innovative social safety nets will be key in supporting vulnerable young women. 

Extraordinary change is possible when we work together. Since 2013, there has been a 66 per cent reduction in the rate of new HIV infections among 10 to 19-year-olds in Kenya, as the country followed an ambitious path to reduce new HIV infections to zero by 2030. During this period, Kenya has also led Africa in the rollout of pre-exposure prophylaxis, HIV self-testing and voluntary male medical circumcision.

Young people also need hope and opportunities to create a better future. This is why the UN is investing in expanding horizons for young people, as a key partner with the Government in the Generation Unlimited partnership. Through a multitude of programmes, the partnership aims to expand opportunities in education, training and employment for the young people in Kenya.

As part of the UN family in Kenya, UNICEF and UNAIDS will continue to work with the Government, partners and importantly adolescents themselves to accelerate steps and innovate to reduce HIV rates amid the COVID-19 pandemic.

Kenya’s adolescents are a vital national resource. Yet they currently face multiple threats to their health and wellbeing. Let us join hands in a deliberate effort to listen, understand and engage adolescents and young people in propelling a youth-centred response that offers them the best chance in life.

By Maniza Zaman, UNICEF Representative to Kenya, and UNAIDS Country Director Medhin Tsehaiu

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See what students are doing at school

It is obvious that when students go back to school, they have gone there to learn the stipulated curriculum. This is no more as students are found doing strange things.

In my previous post, I wrote on teenagers and relationship. Of late, since the coronavirus pandemic knocked, there have been so many cases of teenage pregnancy. The sexual abuse is also in the rise from both the friends and relatives.

The government found it wise for some classes going back to school on October and this brought a relief to the parents as many had difficulties in maintaining them at home

From the digital learning to classroom again! But are the students just learning the curriculum in school. Now that there are a few students in the school; class 4&8 and form 4, the students have taken the whole compound all by themselves including the dark corners. Toilets and deserted corridors are having new love birds where all manner of discovery is put to test including intimacy act, all this within the school compounds.

Are these students extending what they were doing at home to school? Teachers have been put between the rock and the hard place especially when they find them red-handed. The morals and values are depreciating day by day. If the teacher happens to involve the parent on the issue, he or she disagrees with the teacher by saying his or her child is innocent. This has happened mostly because some of the parents don’t ‘know’ their children.

Are the teachers being overworked without support from the parents and the community at large?

Do you support the act of the students? Can we say there is a gap when it comes to how to discipline the child? Kindly share your opinion as you comment.

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What she does when not studying

Since the coronavirus pandemic, the digital learning has been the way to go. Learners have been taking their classes online. It hasn’t been easy and there are many challenges that come with it. Sometimes they need a break from the screen to other activities which develop them too.

This is what this teenage girl does

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A teenager girl breastfeeds her mother’s baby after her death

Teenager Breastfeeds 2-Month Old Sister After Mother Dies

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  • 18-year-old Lucy Wangui breastfeeds her daughter and two-month-old sister.K24 DIGITAL
  • A teenage girl in Nairobi’s Dandora slums opted to breastfeed and take care of her two-month-old sister after their mother passed away. Lucy Wangui’s mother died in mid-November 2020 while being attended to at the Kiambu County Referral Hospital.The girl, 18, is also a mother of a seven-month-old daughter and she takes turns caring for the two infants. Speaking to Kenyans.co.ke on Friday, December 4, her elder brother Kevin Kamau admitted that the family was struggling to make ends meet. The family comprises seven siblings who look up to Kamau, a boda boda rider, as the breadwinner.
  • Teenager girls
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The girls who went missing

The stay at home for school going children has brought a big problem to teenagers’ parents. No matter how much they try to keep them safe, it becomes difficult as most of the time parents are out to make ends meet to better their families.

Teenagers are taking advantage of the situation. They are having enough time to do what they like most.

The worst comes with the use of cellphones which are used to make all the plans. To make it worse, the use of social media where these kids find people who are ready to prey on them. Without their knowledge, they find themselves in awkward situations which sometimes became very difficult to come out of.

Dating sites, nude pictures, drug use and other vices are introduced to them through the social groups. They do it too well that by the end of some chats, the kid is lured to all the evil plans.

I don’t demonize the social media, these phones are used for important communication too, like teachers do communicate through the class WhatsApp groups. Assignments, and online classes are done using the same.

The question is, how and where do we draw the line?

Six teenage girls in Nairobi were not spared either. They had been missing for about a week until yesterday when they were found.

As much as our girls are not innocent, they are still minors and those who are taking advantage on them should be brought to book!

Let’s protect the girl child!

What is your take? Kindly share it as you comment.

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Why you should not practise Female Genital Mutilation(FGM) – Ciscasquapro

We have already seen what FGM is all about and its different levels.

The practice has brought a number of Health complications to girls and women. Let’s look at some of them:

  • Complications during child birth. The scar brings reduction of elasticity of the birth canal. Labour becomes longer and more painful with each subsequent birth
  • The hygiene during the procedure is compromised. Tools used are not sterilised between the procedure and this increases the chances of infection under exposure of HIV and AIDS
  • Girls with poor immune system find it hard to resist the infection hence compromising their health
  • Due to it’s confidenciallity, the girls are not allowed to access medical care should it be required.
  • The excess bleeding brought about by the rapture of clitoris may make the girls anaemic.

In kenya, the FGM act 2010 by Fred Kapondi prohibates the act of FGM.

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Female Genital Mutilation (FGM)| Ciscasquapro

What is it? It is a surgical procedure performed on the genitals of girls and women in many communities. It covers a range of procedures which are also referred as female circumcision. The age and time it is practised differs from one community to the other. Though it is highly discouraged by human rights bodies, these communities have reasons why they do it.

Reasons why it is done

  • It marks the transition from childhood to womanhood. It is a rite of passage that is intended to impact the skills and information a woman needs to fulfil her duties as a wife and a mother.
  • It is believed to reduce sexual desire in a woman. This ensures her virginity is maintained until marriage.
  • Certain communities practise for religious reason believing that it is one their faith requirements.
  • Some communities consider the private part to be ugly, offensive and dirty thus the removal of some of its part makes the woman more hygenic.As the part is stitched , the size is reduced to please the husband.
  • Some do it because they believe that they will have a satisfactory bride prize as the practice makes the woman culturally and socially acceptable in the society.
  • Uncircumcised woman is seen as a child hence denied the status, access possession and roles of an adult woman in the community.

Get in touch by following me as I give you the different types of FGM. I would like to hear your opinion. Kindly give your views as you comment. Visit more of my posts

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10 things every teenage girl should know – Ciscasquapro

As narrated by (Nancy)

1. You are valuable standing alone! I wasted so much time during my teen years focusing on guys! I felt insignificant and alone without their attention. I wish I would have known that my value is something that I choose to believe in– not something someone gives me. Girls, you are amazing, beautiful, and special right here, right now, just as you are. Don’t ever give in to the pressure to use your body, your words, or your actions in a compromising way just to get his attention. You are enough. Learn to believe that now, because that truth will change your entire life!

2. How you dress will attract a certain kind of guy. I know you get it girls- we all want to catch their eye don’t we? But what we don’t always realize is that when you catch a guy with your body, you’ll have to keep him with your body. There is so much more about who you are than the size of your boobs or the size of your waist. Learn to respect yourself, and accentuate the beauty of your heart, your mind, and your spirit. Because those are exactly the kind of things that will snag a really good man.

3. Your parents might not always get it, but they usually know what’s good for you. I know it’s hard to believe now, because it seems like they are so far removed from what you’re going through, but one thing I wish I would have done during my teen years is actually pay more attention to what my parents were saying. They knew me and loved me better than I even knew and loved myself, and the limits they set were almost always for my good. Now that I have children, I see that more than I ever could have imagined. I wish I would have trusted them more.

4. Hang in there; no matter how bad it feels right now, it will pass. If you thought the last lesson was hard to believe, this one’s even harder. I get it –that breakup, those betraying friends, the gossip that’s going around about you– can feel like the most devastating things in the moment. But as hard as they are, and as bad as you may feel, believe me: IT WILL PASS. Don’t be afraid to cry out for help, to talk to someone you love, and to reach out. But always remember that you are strong, you are capable, and you will get through this. Don’t give it the power to ruin your life.

5. You teach people how they are allowed to treat you. I have to admit, I’m still learning this one at times. But the truth is, you have more control than you could even imagine. You are allowed to walk away, to distance yourself, and to put a stop to those people who are treating you poorly. Teach people how they can treat you, by setting your standards high. You owe it to yourself.

6. Don’t care so much about what people think. It’s easy to place our value in what people think of us, but we’ll find ourselves on a never-ending emotional roller coaster when we realize we will never, ever make everyone happy. Love life, make good choices, do the right thing, and always live for an audience of One.

7. The road less traveled is usually the right one. I remember saying NO to so many things that everyone else seemed to be saying YES to. I can’t even tell you how hard that was at times, and how much I wanted to give in to that pressure. But now that I’m here, I look back and I can’t even thank God enough for helping me choose the road less traveled, and making good choices even when it was hard. Just because everyone’s doing it, doesn’t mean it’s good. I’m glad I didn’t have to learn that the hard way.

8. Your body doesn’t define you–you define yourself. Teen or not, this is something we wrestle with as girls on and off throughout our lives. But the truth is, we can’t let our bodies define us, because we have the power to define ourselves. Take the time to love yourself, to focus on your strengths, and to be grateful for the body God has given you. And then remember: You are the daughter of A King – live like it!

9. Be yourself, because everyone else is already taken. I remember trying so hard to fit in to places and people that I was never meant to fit. It took a while to find myself after losing myself in the crowd of everyone I was trying to be. But I finally learned to embrace myself, love my personality, and appreciate my quirks. God made you special just the way you are- so be yourself.

10. God has an amazing plan for your life, but it’s up to you to choose it. I think it’s easy to forget that good things can really happen. It’s easy to be filled with fears and worries in the moment, and doubt God’s great plans and purpose for our life. Sometimes we settle for an okay life, because we don’t believe there’s something better. But beautiful girls, you are destined for great things! Believe it, and then live it…

Want to know more on teenagers and relationship? Read and other posts too… teenagers , pregnancy , others

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Teenagers’ relationships: when and how to talk about it – Ciscas

Romantic relationships are a major developmental milestone. They come with all the other changes going on during adolescence – physical, social and emotional. And they’re linked to your child’s growing interest in body image and looks, independence and privacy. The idea that your child might have these kinds of feelings can sometimes be a bit confronting for you. But these feelings are leading your child towards a deeper capacity to care, share and develop intimate relationships.

When teenage relationships start

There isn’t a ‘right age’ to start having relationships – every child is different, and every family will feel differently about this issue. But here are some averages:

  • From 9-11 years, your child might start to show more independence from your family and more interest in friends.
  • From 10-14 years, your child might want to spend more time in mixed gender groups, which might eventually end up in a romantic relationship.
  • From 15-19 years, romantic relationships can become central to social life. Friendships might become deeper and more stable.

Many teenagers spend a lot of time thinking and talking about being in a relationship. In these years, teenage relationships might last only a few weeks or months. It’s also normal for children to have no interest in romantic relationships until their late teens. Some choose to focus on schoolwork, sport or other interests.

Early teenage relationships

Younger teenagers usually hang out together in groups. If the person your child is interested in is older or younger, it could be worth mentioning that people of different ages might want different things from relationships.The most influential role models for teenagers are the grown-ups . Just talking about both men and women respectfully lets your child know you think everyone is equal and valuable.

Talking about teenage relationships with your child

Your family plays a big part in the way your child thinks about teenage relationships.

When you encourage conversations about feelings, friendships and family relationships, it can help your child feel confident to talk about teenage relationships in general. If your child knows what respectful relationships look like in general, she can relate this directly to romantic relationships.

These conversations might mean that your child will feel more comfortable sharing his feelings with you as he starts to get romantically interested in others. And the conversations can also bring up other important topics, like treating other people kindly, breaking up kindly and respecting other people’s boundaries.

Having conversations with your child about sex and relationships from a young age might mean your child feels more comfortable to ask you questions as she moves into adolescence.

In some ways, talking about romantic and/or sexual teenage relationships is like talking about friendships or going to a party. Depending on your values and family rules, you and your child might need to discuss behaviour and ground rules, and consequences for breaking the rules. For example, you might talk about how much time your child spends with his girlfriend or boyfriend versus how much time he spends studying, or whether it’s OK for his girlfriend or boyfriend to stay over.

You might also want to agree on some strategies for what your child should do if she feels unsafe or threatened.

Young people might also talk to their friends, which is healthy and normal. They still need your back-up, though, so keeping the lines of communication open is important.

Sex and teenage relationships

If your child is in a relationship, it can bring up questions about sex and intimacy.

Not all teenage relationships include sex, but most teenagers will experiment with sexual behaviour at some stage. This is why your child need information on sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

This could also be your chance to talk together about dealing with unwanted sexual and peer pressure. If you keep the lines of communication open and let your child know that you’re there to listen, he’ll be more likely to come to you with questions and concerns.

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A teenager gives birth to triplets – ciscasquapro

Just recently, an NGO gave alarming data on numbers of teenage girls expecting to give birth soon. According to Citizen TV, this young girl gave birth to triplets. Guess who is responsible…a 13 year old boy..where are we heading to..what does law say about such incidents…