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Best tips on disciplining your child

Should we discipline?

All children misbehave sometimes. As a parent, you have to decide how you will respond. Your child needs rules to understand how to behave.

Discipline involves both punishment and rewards. When you discipline your children, you are teaching them what is good behavior and what is not good behavior. Discipline is important to:

  • Protect children from harm
  • Teach self-discipline
  • Develop good social skills

Parent

Every parent has their own parenting style. You may be strict or you may be laid back. The key is to:

  • Set clear expectations
  • Be consistent
  • Be loving

TIPS FOR EFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE

Try these parenting pointers:

Reward good behavior. As much as you can, try to focus on the positive. Let your children know that you are pleased when they are behaving the way you wish. By showing your approval, you encourage good behavior and help build self-esteem.

Let natural consequences teach your child. While it is not easy, you should not always prevent bad things from happening. If your child is frustrated with a toy and breaks it, let him learn that he no longer has that toy to play with.

Consider your child’s age when setting limits or punishing. DO NOT expect more from your child than your child can do. For example, a toddler cannot control the impulse to touch things. Instead of trying to tell her not to touch, put fragile objects out of reach.

Be clear. Let your child know ahead of time what you will be doing for discipline. DO NOT make it up in the heat of the moment. Tell your child what behavior needs to change and what you will do if it does not.

Tell your child exactly what you expect from him. Rather than saying, “Your room is messy,” tell the child what needs to be picked up or cleaned. For example, tell your child to put the toys away and make the bed. Explain what the punishment will be if he does not take care of his room.

DO NOT argue. Once you have set expectations, do not get dragged into an argument about what’s fair. DO NOT keep defending yourself once you have stated what you want. Remind your child about the rules you have set and leave it at that.

Be consistent. DO NOT change rules or punishments at random. If more than one adult is disciplining the child, work together. It is confusing to your child when one caregiver accepts certain behaviors but the other caregiver punishes for the same behavior. Your child may learn to play one adult against the other.

Show respect. Treat your child with respect. By respecting your child, you build trust. Behave the way you want your child to behave.

Follow through on your discipline. If you tell your child that she will lose her TV time today if she hits, be prepared to turn off the TV for the day.

DO NOT make huge threats of punishment that you will never do. When you threaten a punishment but do not follow through, your child learns that you do not mean what you say.

Instead, pick punishments that you can and are willing to do. For example, if your kids are fighting, say: “The fighting must stop now, if you do not stop, we will not go to the movies.” If your kids do not stop fighting, DO NOT go to the movies. Your kids will learn that you mean what you say.

Be calm, friendly, and firm. A child may become angry, tearful, or sad, or may start a tantrum. The calmer your behavior is, the more likely your children will pattern their behavior after yours. If you spank or hit, you are showing them that it is acceptable to solve problems with violence.

Look for patterns. Does your child always get upset and act out over the same thing or in the same situation? If you understand what triggers your child’s behavior, you may be able to prevent or avoid it.

Know when to apologize. Remember that being a parent is a hard job. Sometimes you will get out of control and not behave well. When this happens, apologize to your child. Let him know that you will respond differently the next time.

Help your child with tantrums. Allow your children to express their feelings, but at the same time, help them cope with anger and frustration without violent or aggressive behavior. Here are some tips on dealing with temper tantrums:

  • When you see your child starting to get worked-up, distract her attention with a new activity.
  • If distraction does not work, ignore your child. Every time you react to a tantrum, you reward the negative behavior with extra attention. Scolding, punishing, or even trying to reason with the child may cause your child to act up more.
  • If you are in public, remove the child without discussion or fuss. Wait until the child calms down before resuming your activities.
  • If the tantrum involves hitting, biting, or other harmful behavior, DO NOT ignore it. Tell the child that the behavior will not be tolerated. Move the child away for a few minutes.
  • Remember, children cannot understand lots of explanations. DO NOT attempt to reason. Give the punishment right away. If you wait, the child will not connect the punishment with the behavior.
  • DO NOT give into your rules during a tantrum. If you give in, your child has learned that tantrums work.

What you need to know about spanking. Experts have found that spanking:

  • Can make children more aggressive.
  • Can get out of control and the child can get hurt.
  • Teaches children that it is OK to hurt someone they love.
  • Teaches children to be afraid of their parent.
  • Teaches children to avoid being caught, rather than learning better behavior.
  • May reinforce bad behavior in children acting out just to get attention. Even negative attention is better than no attention.

It is the desire of every parent to have a disciplined child. See how to know when your child is stressed..Read more

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Why members of a family abuse the child

It is hard to believe that a member of a family can abuse a child of their own. To some of the culture, this can bring a lot of misfortune in someone’s life. Abuse of a child by a family member has become a common thing in today’s life.

We have heard mothers and fathers killing their own children. Others abuse them physically, emotionally and even sexually. Some relatives such as uncles, aunts brothers and sisters have turned to be monsters to the children they are supposed to care for.

But the question is, why do these members abuse the child? Though this should not give a justification to child abuse, some factors contributed to it. Some of them are:

  • Stress
  • Frustrations
  • Poverty
  • Unemployment
  • Illiteracy
  • Mental health problems
  • Use of harmful substances such as drugs

Let’s all try and manage stress as this contribute more to child abuse. Families should protect the children and give them the support they need. If one feel the frustrations are too much, just visit a specialist instead of taking it out to children.

Let us protect our own. For more articles read here . You opinions are welcome as you leave a comment. You can also follow me to be sure of getting the hottest news.

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Types/levels of female Genital Mutilation- Ciscasquapro

In my previous post, I highlighted what FGM is and why communities go for it even though the idea is not welcomed by human rights organizations. Let’s now see different forms of female Genital Mutilation which our women and girls go through in the name of adulthood.

  • Clitoridectomy

This is excision or removal of the clitoral hood with or without the removal of all or part of clitoris.

  • Excision

It is the removal of clitoris together with part or all labia minors (the inner vagina lips). This is the most widely practised form of FGM.

  • Infibulation

The removal of the external genitalia (clitoris, labia minors and labia majora) stitching and narrowing down of the vagina opening leaving a small opening about the size of a match stick to allow for the flow of urine and menstrual blood.

  • Introcision

The pricking or incision of the clitoris and or labia. This sometimes is done through stretching of the clitoris or labia, burning of the clitoris and the surrounding tissues, use of herbs to tighten or narrow the vagina, use of corrosives substances and put into vagina to cause bleeding.

If you have read this, you may agree with me that this is really inhuman and should be discouraged using the strongest term possible.

Women and girls who go through this is a real torture. Some are forced and so they don’t do it willingly. Our women should be given a chance to make their choices and being sensitized on such issues.

FGM denies young girls their education rights as they are ready to be married off immediately after they undergo the cut.

This risk their lives too as they can end up contracting diseases or even die in the process.

What is your take on this article? Does your community practice female circumcision? Hope to get your views as you leave your comment. Remember to follow for more articles to come. Read more

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Mother abuses her child

Have you ever insulted your child? Has your child suffered from name calling? Have you ever thought how this could cause a great mental harm to your child? Verbal abuse should not be taken lightly. This happens more with mothers than fathers. I believe after reading the article below , you will never do it again! You can as well watch the video below.

Daisy was a grade three child. She was a quiet girl who did her work silently. She wasn’t social and most of the time she spent all alone. Let me say that she wasn’t gifted in class work. She lived with her mother who didn’t understand her at all. Most of the time is when she scolded her calling her names like cow, dog, donkey, foolish and stupid.

There was this one name she liked calling her mostly, “Ng’ombe” meaning cow. Anytime she did something wrong, she would shout at her,” Ng’ombe!”

One day , while at school, they were asked to do a quiz which she got nothing.The teacher was so annoyed as she thought the quiz was easy for everyone in class. So she shouted at her,” Kwa nini unafanya kama ng’ombe? ” meaning, ” Why are you behaving like a cow?”

Daisy walked to her desk feeling devastated. She was afraid of becoming the laughing stock of the class. Having reached where she usually sat, she covered her face using her sweater and cried bitterly.

It was during the creative lesson one afternoon when the teacher issued the learners with plain papers. Then she told them, ” On this paper, draw anything you may think of. Make your picture as attractive as you can.”

Every learner was excited to have the lesson. They enjoyed the creative writing and after some time the teacher collected the papers for analysis.

When she was going through the work, she came across this one paper. On it, a cow with a human head was drawn! To her amazement, the paper belonged to Daisy. Before the class could leave for break, she requested Daisy to be left behind.

” Why did you draw such an animal? I haven’t seen such a creature!” she asked Daisy. Daisy looked at her and started crying. It took a long time before the teacher could convince her to talk. Finally, she was ready to let it out.

” My mother always calls me a cow anytime I do a mistake. I have never known I am one until you asked me why I was behaving like one! When you asked as to draw, I tried to imagine how I looked like in the eyes of my mother and that’s what I came out with.” she narrated.

The teacher was very sorry and remorseful. She apologized to Daisy and after some talk with her, she decided to invite the mother to come to school where they talked at length about the issue. They swallowed their pride by apologizing to Daisy and promised that it wouldn’t happen again.

This was the beginning of a new Daisy! Everything seemed to change beyond expectations. Her performance improved as her self esteem too. She became the peer leader in upper classes and participated in most of the school activities. What a good ending!

From the above we can all see what insults and verbal abuse can do to our children. Let’s all refrain from calling our children names, insulting and scolding unnecessarily. This may cause mental challenges in our children leaving them stressed. As we discipline and make them responsible , it is always good to use kind words. We should avoid damaging their self esteem as this may bring a great harm to their lives.

Want to read more? Get it here Let’s connect as you drop your comment. For more of this, you only need to follow.

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Reasons why doing household chores is good for children

Children can learn a lot from doing household chores. Here is a video on children and house chores…for more of such…just subscribe..

Doing chores helps children learn about what they need to do to care for themselves, a home and a family. They learn skills they can use in their adult lives, like preparing meals, cleaning, organising and keeping a garden.

Being involved in chores also gives children experience of relationship skills like communicating clearly, negotiating, cooperating and working as a team.

When children contribute to family life, it helps them feel competent and responsible. Even if they don’t enjoy the chore, when they keep going they get the feeling of satisfaction that comes with finishing a task.

And sharing housework can also help families work better and reduce family stress. When children help out, chores get done sooner, and parents have less to do. This frees up time for the family to spend doing fun things together.

How to involve the child

The secret for involving children in household chores is asking for contributions that you value and that suit your children’s ages and abilities. A chore that’s too hard for a child can be frustrating – or even dangerous – and one that’s too easy might be boring.

Even a young child can start to help out if you choose activities that are right for his age. You can start with simple jobs like looking after his own toys. Chores like this send the message to your child that his contribution is important.

It’s also important to think about chores or tasks that get your child involved in caring for the family as a whole. A simple one is getting your child to help with setting or clearing the table. Jobs like these are likely to give your child a sense of responsibility and participation.

If your child is old enough, you can have a family discussion about chores. This can reinforce the idea that the whole family contributes to how the household runs. Children over six years old can help decide which chores they’d prefer.

You can motivate your child to get involved in chores by:

  • doing the chore together until your child is ready to do it on her own
  • being clear about what each person’s chores are for each day or week – write them down so they’re easy to remember
  • talking about why it’s great that a particular job has been done
  • showing an interest in how your child has done the job.

You can also see other posts on children. You are free to leave your comment and follow us too for more updates.

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My YouTube videos – Ciscas

I take this opportunity to welcome all parents to my YouTube channel – Let’s Know

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClyvkMUdMAmiYR08kOUB4Ng

The stuff here will be based on parenting.

Kindly like, share with other parents and subscribe. Put notification on so that you don’t miss upcoming videos.

There is a sister channel Ciscas which has Children stuff on morals and values…

Help kids connect to it. It will be of great help to them. Here it is..